Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
