Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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