somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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