I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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