yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I can't turn off my feet"
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
