No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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