Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
