I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
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