hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I need moral support for this bender
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
