Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
