The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
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