If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
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