Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Randomize
