We won't sleep together?
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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