He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
