i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Randomize
