I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
