im drinking this country out of the recession.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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