omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Randomize
