Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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