I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
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