her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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