and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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