Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Sext me about skeletons
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
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