I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize