Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I could make wine with my vomit
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Randomize
