There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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