capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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