The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
