Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize
