you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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