I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
