Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
