She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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