Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
