people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
