I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
