so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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