I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
