You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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