I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
