i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
