Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
that may or may not have been my penis.
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