Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Randomize
