So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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