we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
