Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
