I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Randomize
