I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Randomize
