I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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