God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
