New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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