he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
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