I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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