watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
We have so much sex to catch up on
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
