HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
