I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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