i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize