You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize