I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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