I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
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