she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
