i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
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