can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize