Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
