How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
