i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
