I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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