I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
