I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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