Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
