It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
