do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
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