May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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