the condom got lost in my hair
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
