How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
