Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
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